This one’s poop-intensive.
Okay, so let’s get the good stuff out of the way first: the whole liver biopsy thing went off without a hitch. Got there in plenty of time, got prepped, the nurses and tech had to push my dad down to the waiting area instead of hanging around the procedure room, they used ultrasound, and they got the samples they needed without trouble.
The humorous bit: they wanted me to roll onto my right side to put pressure on the punctures to stop the bleeding faster, but because of the abdominal stuff, I can’t do that. So I didn’t. And it wasn’t an issue – I bled so little the biopsy doctor put me on the 4 hour recovery plan instead of the standard 6 hour.
Which mean 4 hours of “bed rest”. About 3 hours in, I asked for bathroom privileges to be added and because I hadn’t bled any more, they were. Yay.
And thus I was cut loose a little after 1 pm to head home.
And while we’re driving down the Westpark Toll Road toward home, some combination of vehicle vibrations and whatever it is that section of my bowel decides to do at any given moment led to WE ARE GOING TO EVACUATE YOU NOW…. the colostomy bag filled rapidly, and then it blew the adhesive seal between the bag and my skin.
Emergency paper towels deployed and I somehow managed to keep it contained to me and my clothing (and not Dad’s rental car).
We got home, got inside, and managed to not make too much of a mess getting everything cleaned and sorted. I did need a quick shower, but that was okay.
There was so much poop. To be honest, it felt good having it gone, but I kinda wish it’d waited until I’d gotten home (I was planning a bag empty as first thing anyway, as a few wombat pellets had accumulated while I was in the recovery room, but it was nowhere near capacity). If this had started while I had the bag open over the toilet? This wouldn’t be a story.
Here’s the thing: I have no conscious control over what that part of my bowel does. Unlike your sphincters, which you can control, the descending colon is part of the autonomous nervous system and it’s just gonna do what it’s gonna do when it’s gonna do it.
So this was just some spectacularly bad timing. And until I can sort out patterns and such, it’s the kind of thing that’s going to limit my travel.
Meanwhile, Houston is iced up and the schools are closed and no one with a lick of sense is venturing forth anyway, so we’re just tucked in here at home and all is as it should be. Provided the power stays on. It’s in the upper 20s and falling.